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In absentia

It's been four long months since I even attempted to fill this blog with something. Not that there's nothing exciting going on in my life. But for the longest time, I feel like I'm incapable of stringing together a series of words even if my life depended on it.

Maybe because something else is truly keeping me preoccupied.

But still... I miss being able to write more than 100 words that are aimed at doing something else besides making a deal.

KC becomes 18

"Out Of My League"

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

My current... basta! hehe

Flying Away

I've got a lot of things on my mind right now, as usual... but at least, i've gotten some off. I'm hurdling this obstacle that hopefully I would indeed get to overcome.

Things like scholarship applications, trips, and ummm... lovelife? Hehe

Wish I could just drift away to a happy place and get rid of anxieties I shouldn't be tackling in the first place...

Some of the Best By Lea Salonga

On My Own



Disney Medley



Her Audition For Miss Saigon




* I soooo love her!

My Favorite Things

As of today...

Round trip plane tickets to Manila for February (hehe these, i already have)
Concert tickets to Lea Salonga's Adamson University Jubilee Celebration (will get this one when they announce the details)
A 5mega-pixel (at the very least) digital camera, preferably Canon or Olympus (hmmm... maybe next year! haha)

Sigh... sarap mangarap..

Keeping it short

it just dawned on me that the web can be a source of valuable research materials and not just a place for playing online scrabble and making chika with friends. Today, I was able to introduce myself to the many facets of writing short stories and i got acquainted with the great ANTON CHEKHOV. I'm looking forward to more stuff to learn and more stories to read. Hopefully, these will all help me in my elusive quest of making a half-decent short.

Drained

I am a tired artist
Exhausted of dealing with canvasses
Some blank
Some brimming with creatures
Of my imagination

I am a weary explorer
Bored with the conquest of territories
Some deserted
Some bountiful of the fruits
Of nature's generosity

I am a defeated hero
Frustrated by causes fought for
Some trivial
Some crucial to the survival
Of the human race

I am a heartbroken lover
Grieving for sweethearts loved
Some in passing
Some claiming to be owners
Of my weakened heart

Pinoy Dream Academy and Shrimp

I am now hooked to ABS-CBN's Pinoy Dream Academy! Will be posting more stuff on this later. For now, I urge everyone to email the following message to pinoydreamacademy@gmail.com...

"I would like Panky to sing Stars are Blind by Paris Hilton"

Go! Go! Go!

***

I met up with my high school bestfriend yesterday. It's been a year since we last saw each other and a lot of catching up was done. We got into a debate about same-sex partnership and her take on it. People close to us were into it hence the discussion.

Her argument: The bible says that same-sex relationships are sins in the eyes of God.
I say: Do you mean to say all that the bible says is wrong should be accepted without any question?
She says: Yes.
I say: Then that means all of us shrimp-eaters are committing sins based on what the bible says.

She proceeds to argue that we all make sins but that's ok as long as we are sorry for these sins and as long as these sins are not as grave as (shudder!) same-sex relationships.

I feel sorry for people who are too hypocritical to see the mistakes other people make while overlooking the ones they subscribe to.

Bedlam

I'm up to my ears in removals, minutes-making, completion requirements and spirit-breaking 5.0's, but I still managed to sneak in a little blogging time (mercifully!).

I came prepared for this, of course, since I spent the weekend with very minimal tutorials and a lot of self-pampering. On Saturday, after spending the entire morning over at the Kabayao's (Gil's back with a great battle over his scientific calculator. A battle which we eventually won. Ha!), I had lunch over at Rod's place and went to see "The Banquet," a film which starred the heavenly beautiful Ziyi Zhang. It was a nice film over all, with Ziyi portrayed as a power-hungry empress who was supposed to be torn between love and power. In my opinion, it was very clear what she wanted -- power. Her supposed love for the Crown Prince was not clearly established. What was clear, though, was that the emperor did love her so much. Sigh! Kahilisa!

Anyway, we were supposed to go to the spa after the movie but we were so hungry that we decided to postpone the spa experience til the following day in exchange for a satisfying dinner. We went to the foodcourt and feasted on pork bbq (which I think caused Rod's revolting stomach), bihon, fried chicken wings, mashed potato and free soup. The meal cost us only a little over a hundred bucks so we were definitely satisfied. We had McFlurry before going home to watch the Expulsion Night of Pinoy Dream Academy. Earlier in the day, while waiting for the 4:30 showtime of The Bangquet, Rod and I headed to one of our most favorite pasttimes: videoke! WE sang songs that were sung by Rosita, "in memoriam." Haha We ended having very paiful throats which were eventually soothed by my current favorite, Kettle Korn. Well, Rosita wasn't expelled that night. It was Chai who got the boot. I didn't have much energy left to surf the net that night, and I didn't even dare since I had early turorials the following day so I hit the sack before midnight.

I spent the following morning with my La Paz tutees and had lunch with my family the later. I opened up about my apprehensions about being sent to school by the University the following year and that I might decide instead to go to Manila to seek employment and pursue higher education (still a bit undecided! MS Applied Math... Law... Journalism... Creative Writing.... aaah...). I guess that was the first moments that my mother realized that I would be leaving the following year and be gone for months. Hehe I'm quite positive that's why she took in two puppies (we named them Rosita and Budong!) because we're moving away one by one. Last night I asked her if she'd prefer if I leave her with an apo before I go. She just sneered. Hehe

After lunch, I went over at Rod's (Is it too obvious that she's the only friend I have left? Fre, Perper, Baron! Apas na kami da!!!!) and gave her some Hydrite Salts and Imodium. (The pork bbq, remember?) We watched some DVDs and had corn on a cob while watching The Buzz and then went to the spa.

Ah, the spa... I had a full body scrub (which lasted for 10minutes tops! I better have a talk with the counter girl for their inconsistent service..), clay facial (I thought it would be the type which would strip me of my blackheads and whiteheads. Instead, they put some milk concoction on my face and let me wait there for a loooooong time -- they were waiting til Rod finished her foot scrub, I guess --- while the milk thingy hardened on my face. It was a good thing that my massage was absolutely heavenly. My therapist had the softest and smoothest pair of hands that was very adept in loosening the kinks all over my body. It was just embarrassing that Rod accidentally kicked her in the face during the session --long story, don't ask!).

Rod and I had dinner at JD, fried chicken with ensaladang langka, beef and mushroom rice toppings, and tuna and mushroom casserole paired off with an oatmeal bar (i want oatmeal cookies!!!) and carrot cake. These didn't manage to fill us up so we ordered fetuccini alfredo and stuffed our faces full.

I headed home after dinner, watched PDA, saw Michelle expelled and went to bed, full and satisfied.

And now, I'm guessing that I'll need another one of this weekend pampering at the end of this week... but I probably won't get to til next month.

My favorite quote for the day...

Love is fluid.

Science: It’s History, Our Story

I think it was a popular philosopher or a rock band member who said that you won’t know where you’re going until you know where you’ve been.

History is truly an integral part of virtually anything that exists and a body of knowledge as systematic as Science definitely cannot do without it. People since the dawn of civilization have been interested in the field of Science perhaps since the day they’ve learned to ask, “Why?”.

And why not? Science assists us, guides us, sometimes even haunts us every single day, every single moment of our life. It governs the air we breathe, the earth we tread on and even the places and elements no mortal has ever laid his eyes on.

Studying the history of Science is definitely a daunting feat because the history of Science is the history of a continuous process of learning --- a process that has begun since the beginning of time itself. People need to know the history of Science so that they won’t be clueless on where Science and Techology are taking us right now. We learn a lot from the past, and we can use these learnings to keep us on the right track. The history of Science would tell us that accomplishments such as the discovery of the atomic bomb and TNT brought Nobel Prizes to the discoverer but are used as destructive forces today. They were meant to help mankind. Therefore, we should learn that a lot of inventions and discoveries may pose danger in the future if used improperly. But this should not hinder the advancements of Science. Rather, we should be working double time to ensure that advancements in Science are used for the betterment of mankind.

There is definitely a need to recognize the limits of science. A precautionary principle ought to be applied and ethical and social concerns to policy formulation and decision-making should be considered. Because of a number of cases illustrated where harm has continued to be done even after negative consequences have been demonstrated, the public’s trust in the benefits that sciences hold have somehow diminished.

Furthermore, a deeper knowledge of the history of Science and Technology will show us that Science was never meant to isolate itself from all other branches of knowledge. Achievements on Science and Technology must also be geared to achievements on Society.

Learning the history of Science will show us that most, if not all, achievements in this overwhelmingly vast body of systematized knowledge is littered with disagreeable discoveries, adversities and consequential remedial action. It is up to us to translate these misfortunes into beautifully crafted triumphs for the good of the human race.

Lost

I'm now at a loss on what will become of me when June 1, 2007 comes... A good friend and mentor said I should pray. Dammit, why didn't I think of this before?

Googling my name

i googled my name without the quotation marks and it returned 125 hits..

Singko

Hindi na naman siya makatulog. Isang buong lingo na siyang inaabot ng madaling araw bago tuluyang dalawin ng antok. Samu’t saring bagay ang gumugulo sa kanyang isip --- sa kanyang buong pagkatao. Balot sa nakabibinging katahimikan ang paligid. Makalipas ang ilang sandaling pagtila ng ulan, tumigil na rin sa wakas ang mga palakang kani-kanina lamang ay tila nagkokonsyerto sa labas. Malamang ay napagod na rin sa pagkokokak sa kalaliman ng gabi.

Sa kabila ng kadiliman ay kanyang naaninag ang selepono at dagli itong kinuha. Nang ito’y kanyang buksan ay tila binaha ng liwanag ang kanyang munting silid.

“Mam, salamat sa singko. Titigil na ako sa pag-aaral. Bagsak sa DOST.”

Makailang beses na rin niyang nabasa ang mensaheng iyon na hindi niya magawang burahin. Pero sa bawat pagbabasa’y naroroon pa rin ang kirot, ang panandaliang guilt. Sariwa pa sa kanyang isipan ang isinagot niya sa mensaheng iyon.

“Wag mo akong pasalamatan. Ikaw ang may gawa ng grado mo. Taga-lista lang ako’t taga-kalkula.”

Wala nang isinagot ang nagpadala ng mensahe. Iilan ding estudyante ang nabigyan niya ng singko sa semestreng iyon. May hinala siya kung kanino galing ang mensahe pero hindi siya sigurado. At pinili niyang huwag nang alamin pa.

“Walang guro na nasisiyahan sa pagbigay ng isang bagsak na grado sa kanyang estudyante. Kalimitan pa nga’y nanghihinayang at nalulungkot ang may ari ng kamay na hawak ay pulang bolpen sa pagsulat ng marka sa gradesheet. Minsan din kaming naging estudyante. Hindi rin minsan nang bumagsak.”

Ito ang sinabi sa kanya ng kanyang professor nang minsan siyang nakapagbitaw ng mararahas na salita patungkol dito. Binagsak siya ng professor niya. Nang mga sandaling iyo’y halos isumpa niya ang kanyang professor. Buong magdamag siyang pinagalitan ng kanyang nanay. Ilang beses siyang pinagbantaan ng kanyang tatay na patitigilin sa pag-aaral at iuuwi sa probinsya kapag naulit pa ang markang bagsak.

At ngayon nga’y bumaliktad ang sitwasyon. Siya na ngayon ang namamagsak. Siya na ngayon ang kinamumuhian.

***

Oo, mahirap ang maging estudyante. Lalo na kapag bumagsak ka sa kursong kinukuha mo. Ngunit kahit gaano man ka-demonyo ang pag-uugali ng guro mo, tandaan mong tao din yan --- tao lang yan --- taong naatasang maglista at magkalkula ng gradong ginawa mo’t binigay sa kanya. Tingnan mo muna ang sarili mo bago mo ibunto sa kanya ang lahat nang pagsisisi. Baka kasi may pagkukulang ka rin.

The End

Have you ever been so absorbed in a tv show that you get to relate to the characters?

Well I have. And I've been so absorbed in the show that I feel so cranky when my favorite characters have a conflict to deal with. I've been watching this TV show through dvd copies and I felt my heart lunge, sink and soar with the stories that intertwined in the five seasons of the show.

Tomorrow, I'll be watching the last two episodes.

Sigh... some good things never last.

Unfinished

Sa tuwing ako’y mapapadaan sa harap ng bintana ng kanilang tahanan sa pagsapit ng dapithapon ay laging may munting kandilang may sindi akong masisilayan. Kandilang nagbibigay liwanag sa munting altar kung saan ko siya malimit na nakikitang nakayuko, pikit ang mga mata at umuusal ng munting panalangin.

Ang kanyang mga labi ay parang puspusang bumibigkas ng mga panalanging matagal nang minemorya. Mga kahilingang matagal nang naghihintay ng katuparan.

Sa umaga’y tunog ng lumang karaoke ang maririnig. Madalas ay mga kanta ni Sharon Cuneta ang sinasabayan niya ng pag-awit.

“Balutin mo ako ng hiwaga ng iyong pagmamahal…”

Ito ang pinakapaborito niya sa lahat. Ito rin ang pinakapaborito ng nanay niya. Marahil kahit natutulog siya ay kayang-kaya niyang kantahin ang awiting ito. Napanood na rin niya ang pelikula. Marahil ay ilang daang beses na niya itong nakita dahil sa paulit-ulit na panonood nila ng nanay niya sa betamax. Memoryado niya na halos lahat ng linya ng mga artista sa pelikula.

Minsan sa paaralan ay narinig ko pa siyang mag-Inggles.

“You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard copycat!”

Ito ang sinabi niya sa kaklase naming nagsabing mas magaling daw itong kumanta kaysa kanya. Hindi ko naintindihan ang kanyang sinabi. Inggles kasi. Pero nang ang mga salitang ito’y namutawi sa kanyang labi, pakiramdam ko’y daig pa nito ang mga paborito kong tula ni Kiko Baltazar. Sa pagkakasabi niya’y para itong sinaliwan ng mga huni ng ibon at ihip ng malamig na hangin. Kahit na ang kaaway niya’y natigilan. Nakakarinig rin naman kami ng Inggles sa klase. Pero parang hindi pa kami natuturuan ni Mam ng mga sinabi ni Katrina.

Last day high

Been on blog vacation these past few weeks. School's been verrry hectic and I'm really so thankful of the fact that today's the last day of school. Yippeeyay!!! Final exams are scheduled next week, and boy, do I have a lot of papers to check! Aaargh! Can't wait til this is all finally over. Wonder how I should spend my sembreak aside from my usual going from house to house to feed hungry minds.. I really, really wanna go to Manila to be with my friends! They all get together, at least during the weekends, and I wanna go too! I hope some kind of event comes up so that I could spend some time with them in gimiks, etc. Hehe

Yesterday, a hearing was conducted on the construction of stairs leading to the national highway. The administration has decided to close the stairs from the CUB down to the highway which earned the ire of a number of people. GOod thing we had an incredible "lawyer" yesterday. Looks like we'll be climbing the same hill afterall...