"happy" new year

it's new year's.
im a bit superstitious, so i believe that whatever mood or state of mind you're in when the old year seaparates from the new, that will generally be your mood for the entire year. i guess that means i won't be exactly ecstatic for the year 2006.
i'm not sure why i felt down. i was shouting and jumping up and down and shaking my coin bank like hell but all i actually wanted to do was break down and cry. maybe it was because this is the first new year's day that we celebrated without my brother. he's still getting his ass kicked back in the academy. also, there's a wake at our neighbors. they're usually the only people i socialize with in our neighborhood and we usually have a party during new year's eve. i guess partying is out of the question when your husband/son-in-law/brother-in-law is lying inside a coffin. we also didn't have much prepared for this year's celebration. we didn't have the time to prepare anyting grand since we just came back from manila.
a few hours ago i kept repeating the words HAPPY NEW YEAR over and over again. i think i was partly convincing myself that this year's going to be a happy one.
i'm already anxious for this year to end. and it's only been 3 hours since 2006 came..
*sigh*